I DISAPPEARED
She left while scrubbing the toilet bowl.
She left while singing in the car.
She left while hanging a picture on the wall.
She left while picking out new shoes.
She left while choosing new furniture.
She left while buying a pen.
She left when I asked: “Hey, how are you?”
She left while driving her mom to a check-up.
She left while buying a watch.
She left while choosing a new dress.
She left while choosing a new skirt.
She left while making me laugh.
She left while thinking
about where to celebrate New Year’s Eve.
She left while I was talking about my day at work.
She left while ordering food.
She left while cooking lunch.
She left while drinking tea and reading a book.
She left when she looked at me.
She left long before she actually left,
when she cried, then—no, not then—
she left a few springs earlier.
When she shed the first tear
on someone else’s salty shoulder.
By then it was too late.
She hadn’t been mine for a long time.
I left too
with my thoughts.
On my own path.
We left together
in different directions.
I disappeared,
she blossomed.
Review of the Poem “Nestao sam” by Mateo
“Nestao sam” is a poignant and introspective poem by Croatian artist and poet Mateo Balaban, known as Rain Bordo. Through a repetitive, mantra-like structure, the poem chronicles the slow emotional detachment and eventual breakup of a romantic relationship. Each line beginning with “She left when…” subtly marks not a singular moment of departure, but a gradual erosion of intimacy, underscoring the quiet tragedy of emotional absence amid routine life.
Balaban masterfully contrasts the mundane (cleaning, shopping, driving) with deep emotional disconnect. This juxtaposition intensifies the impact of seemingly ordinary events, transforming them into symbols of unnoticed farewell. The poem doesn’t focus on a dramatic climax but instead builds tension through accumulation—repetitions that mirror the speaker’s realization unfolding in retrospect.
The final stanzas strike with bittersweet beauty: the emotional truth is acknowledged too late. While he “disappeared,” consumed by inner turmoil and silence, “she blossomed”—a hauntingly graceful conclusion that evokes themes of personal growth, detachment, and the irrevocability of time passed.
Balaban’s style is minimalist but rich in emotional resonance. His voice is vulnerable, observant, and ultimately generous, allowing space for the other to grow even in loss. This poem is a gentle elegy for love that faded not with fury, but with life’s quiet, relentless momentum.
Verdict: A quietly devastating and beautifully restrained piece that explores love, detachment, and acceptance with profound emotional intelligence.
Rain Bordo 